Yes! Actually one weird thing. I was in the gym, and declaring I was short of energy. (This was over the time that Mike was in hospital and my adrenal glands were working a little bit too hard.) One of the instructors suggested that if I wanted to have more energy, I might eat more. I have since found this to be true. Also, true about going for the heavy weights sessions and then having a really good break inbetween.
It’s an overcast day, but not cold at all. Yesterday, I consumed much wine, and did little but try to relax. I almost succeeded. My bulging muscles are still sore, although Friday’s class did something to release them. I’ve lost weight from my bellular region. My butt muscles are firm. Huge layers of muscular insulation protect my shoulders and my back. I walk stiffly still, due to my calves recoiling in the night, and refusing to flow freely.
We all do it and especially, specially women. Women of a certain type do it more than others. Women of a womenly type do it plenty, but not so much a girly women do it, who do it most of all. This post is about opposing yourself.
There are many subtle ways of opposing oneself, and not all of them are apparent, but if they were, they wouldn’t be self-opposition. Which they are.
Whenever goals conflict you are in a state of girly self-opposition. If you say, for example, that you will pursue slimness and a lack of male bulk whilst pursuing an engagement like martial arts, then I will say that you are kidding yourself. You are also opposing yourself.
It may not seem like it, but your obsession with diet and with looking conventionally pretty is getting in the way of who you are. You will say one thing and do another, because your goal is not the direct one of self improvement via fitness and mental strengthening, but rather an indirect one. If you wish to use martial arts as a means to make you prettier, then you are her:
She says to me that she is on a diet, with the intense desire to slim her thighs.
I say, “Regrettably, we do a lot of thigh-enhancing exercises — which add muscle.”
But I can beat the muscle, you announce, by being on this diet, since muscle fibre is eliminated first!
I say, “Muscle is not a thing, a blob, a meaningless byproduct of activity — it is what enables you to do the thing we’re doing here.”
This woman says that she will train with me quite vigorously. But I think not. She harbours too many contradictions.
Waking up each day stiff legged, really stiff legged, so that the calves, the achilles tendon, the heel, refuse to move on command, waiver like untidy plastic, like fools, like manmade substances, until I can’t believe that training has already been two days ago!