Here’s the thing you ought to know to improve the pleasure quotient. Unfortunately, it will first bring you down to earth, thuddingly. You want to believe you have conquered a female? Try taking her on intellectually. Deal with the issues at hand, and you may prove your obvious superior capacity. Tackle what is being said to you, rather than a straw man (something which is not being said). If you can’t immediately understand what the lowly feminazi is saying to you, then try to retrieve some of the much needed immense courage which has almost deserted our species: Try putting your hand up and ask. If you still are flailing, try first to understand the reasons why without descending into further monkey tactics.
And, if you think that you can, in some capacity, actually “fight”, then at least learn the difference between low level, ongoing harrassment, and what makes up an intellectual fight.
Try to be all the things that the pitiful image of yourself in the mirror is hoping you can become.
Finally, if your words cause actual damage—to the truth about what the victim is or has done—-then a mere apology is not enough. If you wrong somebody and have an effect on their reputation, saying ‘I’m sorry IF I hurt you” is not just cowardly, it’s getting off lightly. If you’re really sorry, you’ll go out there and correct every misperception, every repeated lie. ~~Ginmar
What Ginmar says is true. There is a distinct difference between many males as they see themselves and how these males actually are. For instance, the joys of bullying may be perceived by those who do it as an expression of power. Those who observe it and experience it perceive it as hollowness, an overfamiliar kind of cowardliness against those without the social or political power to fight them back on equal terms.
The dangerous side of being a bully is that you might be perceived for who and what you actually are. When this happens, the feeling that the victim previously and ignorantly entertained, (that those who are in power are there because they deserve to be), subsides. It soon becomes apparent that there is no moral superiority in those who are holding the power, but quite the opposite. This insight marks the beginning of the end for a class of cowardly bullies.
That is why those who bully play a dangerous game.They run the risk of exposing the very tenuousness nature of the threads of mystification upon which their power lives. And they do this every time they are abusive.
If you do damage, and do not fix the damage that you do, you tend to give the victims a longer time to contemplate your real status than if you fix the mess you have made in the public realm straight away. Any continuation of damaging effects (whether you anticipated them or not) also gives the victims a longer time to think about who you really are.
I’ve had a recurring experience in my life, which I thought I’d tell you about. It’s a rather shocking sort of experience actually. It goes like this. You’ve found a group of people, or a person, who you think is fairly normal. They may not be on your wavelength, but given that (in your opinion) they are fairly normal, this, you think is just a matter of time. So you persist with them, enjoying their company, sending messages back and forth and wondering at the subtlety of their rhetorical device in pretending not to register the reality of certain aspects of life. You think, “Wow! Very amusing,just too droll.”
And then, one or several of these folk take you aside, and verbally harangue you, pouring forth their scorn and threats. Suddenly, they are naked before you, as creatures who genuinely aren’t in the know. This becomes apparent as they go to great extremes to demonstrate their lack. They become very abusive, at the same time as listing all those things you’ve ever said which they’ve been unable to grasp in any way. You realise, at this point, the seriousness of their lack, and that the verbal repartee you’d thought they were participating in was a misunderstanding on your part. They really are more stupid than you had imagined. And if they hadn’t taken you aside to compel you to see it in this way, how would you have known?
These situations indicate the extreme utility of politeness in social life. So long as relationships are polite, one considers the other person to be quite in charge of all their faculties and ideas. Yet, when rudeness erupts, the social mask slips, and one sees the other person as they really are: both crass and stupid. Such a revelation breeds contempt.
I consumed a postcolonial book recently. It was about the British, and yeah, it was about India, and it said some stuff, some stuff about colonial culture. All of which got me thinking. What rang so true — and I didn’t expect it to — was this particular idea : In western thinking, to refer to power is “to be aggressive”.
Can you think of the problems this presents for a rational mediation of any social or political problem? If a complainant so much as THINKS that an injustice has occurred, then they are cast as an aggressor. There is no way to solve the problem for example by weeding out the injustice of a certain type of behaviour, to ensure it doesn’t happen again. There is little chance of a talking solution under this paradigm, either. Actually the value of the intellect — which is our instrument for understanding — is undermined. One has no choice but to hit out at the aggressor, possibly risking killing him –a more severe penalty on all than would have been required by the use of alternative methods of resolution.