I’ve changed — the most fundamental way this has happened is that I no longer fret when I notice that virtue is not rewarded in this world. It seems I have completely liberated myself from the Christian paradigm. In some ways this is a loss, of course, because this had enabled me to feel I was at a height, with ever greater moral refinements and discernment.
When Bataille spoke of Nietzsche falling from his height, I believe this is what he means. No actual God is necessarily for one to ascend the mountain that leads one to enjoy the moral heights, but still there is implicit reliance on the legacy of the past, to provide the basic drive and meaning of the ascent.
Now this has all gone. Without the sense that virtue is part of the calculation I have to make in order to survive and thrive, life is simpler. I’m met with hardly any discrepencies between my anticipation of how others might behave and how they do actually act. I’m able to do away with a lot of unnecessary calculations, along with the disappointment when people do not do as I imagine they should. I can ignore a great deal that doesn’t interest me without reprimanding myself: “Maybe it’s my duty to pay attention here?”