I still long for a challenge and for the toughness that makes you feel like you are really working against something to get results. Beach running doesn’t really make me feel all that tough. Writing books that nobody reads was a very tough experience, because it was me against myself, trying to get to the bottom of things hidden from myself. That was painful and I did become raw from the effort needed.
I’d like to do something I would consider personally significant, for the rest of my life, like offer my services to combat ivory hunters. This would push me against myself and against my limits and would be doing something right, leaving a better global legacy.
I just miss the rawness and the wild. I yearn for it. The birds singing outside my window in the morning are something, but that is nothing like the wildness of unpredictability — the sort you get in Africa.
My cash resources are strapped and the work I have is limited. I would expand outwardly if I could find a way, but it is very difficult to know how.
The only certainty is that I’m moving into a new phase of my life.