Screaming | Clarissa’s Blog: “That’s really been the story of my life– being traumatized by that particular part of my being. Until very recently (the last few days) when I silenced it. It’s amazing. I have very good sleeps now and I am not tormented. It was difficult to get there, though. I had to abide with the tormented feelings for a long time, long enough to become inured to them. And then I had some weird subconscious message after a series of long weeks of cogitation, when I was asleep in my tomb (what the small tent feels like when camping) and my subconscious (in shamanic terms, “spirits”) said that I really needed to finish the writing project I had embarked on in 97, because time does not last forever. And it was still difficult, because I could not get to the bottom of my being sufficiently, because terror and anxiety keep you on the surface. I drank red wine (a depressant — which takes you lower into your being) and I counteracted the negative effects with resveratrol, which enables a sharp, constant focus, without the sense of being interrupted by emotional highs and lows. I felt strongly low (in a relaxed way) and intensified. And then I finally finished my writing project.
The “spirits” gave me a hearty clap on the back. They are deeply pleased, I think. And every time I consider returning to the old mold of self-doubt, they heartily clap me on the back again, and say, “Oh, no — this time you made it!”
It must be true because I have no anxiety or violent dreams and I used to be plagued by these every night.”