All up my situation was pretty tough

In terms of the circumstances of my initiation, I had A LOT against me, for instance

1.  Migration at 15, early adolescence, just when one is about to put down roots as an adult in a particular culture, having learned all about it.

2.  The fact that Rhodesia really was in time warp — in some ways 1780s Europe and in other ways the 1940s (still at war), so I had incredible cultural adjustments to do.

3.  My father’s shell shock and resentment at losing the war.

4.  My father’s misogyny

5.  The inculcated prejudices of contemporary Westerners who wanted desperately to convince themselves they were “non-colonial” — and how better than by vamping on me.

6.  Not just emotionally and culturally, but materially starting again as a migrant.

7.  The fact that my parents lent on me (as the eldest) to help them adapt and were heavly resentful toward me when I could not do so.

8.  My father’s agenda to keep me wrapped up in right-wing conservativism, thus preventing me from adapting — and his immense psychological but also physical violence against me to stop me from adapting.

9.  My invalidity that resulted from this — I had a very low level of energy, compromised immune system and non-functioning digestive system by the end of this.

10.  The fact that everyone was still on at me — even under these circumstances — to simply “get a job” and put it all behind me.  Otherwise I was to be considered a princess who couldn’t handle reality (this being a prejudice of modern Westerners against white colonials and my father’s prejudice against women).

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