Once I had a feeling.. (chapter 9)

When you speak it really does matter whom you want to speak to. For instance, when I look at lots of stuff, directed at Americans, I can make head nor tail of that stuff. I mean it is supposed to be good, or something, but the ideological matrix is so different. They’ve got their heads stuffed up their metaphysics, and I cannot help them.

In the same way, follow a British crime drama and watch the psychological subtlelties. Then follow one from the US and watch the moral preachiness and presumption to know all. An all-knowing God is the dominant narrative for USA culture. The more you can affect a quality of being all-knowing, the more impressive you become. At the same time as you become more phony.

Or there is the demand that every speech has to carry with it its own mode of self-justification. This is a phallacy developed by those who live in the biggest powerhouse of the world, so they presume that justifying oneself is easy. But they confuse self-justification on the basis of power (i.e. that one never feels a strong, intense need to vindicate oneself so long as one has power) with intellectual argumentation. I can sit around and justify myself all day. Just give me a power fortress. Let the range of the power of my kind extend as far as my eye can see. That way I will give you a rhetorical argument.

Failing this, the capacity for my argumentation to reach you will be limited. I’m just a small power after all, and my boundaries are quite weak. In power terms.

Anyway, my butt is rather big, though, which is one thing. I believe it’s Portuguese, Latina, or some such thing although I’ve never addressed it directly.

Also I’m getting elderly, but in most ways that seems a positive. The greatest revelation of the day is that some people do not want you to be helped. For instance by Georges Bataille. Even if they realize his reasoning, that his texts are full of anti-fascism and even an antidote to strict authoritarianism, they do not want his engineering model to prevail. Because that is what it is. He is trying to re-engineer the human psyche. Rather, they demand that — well, as Nietzsche said — there should be tarantulas and punishment and moral vindication. Just a moralistic paradigm.

No soul-restructuring. No re-engineering.

You have no idea how indifferent that makes me feel.

It’s all about feelings.

My feeling was hurt. (I say this in a most unWestern manner.)

I had one and you stamped it out. So now I have none — and no attempt at moral self-justification either.

Once I had a feeling, now it’s gone, made it race against time.

So, where was I?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s