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I was fatigued on this day.  I went to sleep just before the sun at around 6 pm and woke up the next day just after the sun at around 7 am.  I processed thoughts, took stock, and revised my knowledge.  My unconscious spirit was kind — took me on a lot of vivid journeys, whilst making me very aware that life is much shorter than I think it is.

One thing for sure, the best thing that has ever happened to me has been getting older successfully.  In my youth I always feared getting older in a way that would be unsuccessful in my own eyes.  Indeed, that was what had been happening to me for a long time.  The years were slipping through my fingertips and I was not making any progress at all in advancing beyond my instilled hostility toward myself — a feature of extreme Christianity.

Like the proverbial fox stuck in a trap, I had to tear myself apart to escape from a very confining cultural heritage.

That method is very scary.  One also has to die to oneself and be born again. Otherwise a more complete atheistic spirituality is not going to be possible.


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