men playing a dangerous game.

Finally, if your words cause actual damage—to the truth about what the victim is or has done—-then a mere apology is not enough. If you wrong somebody and have an effect on their reputation, saying ‘I’m sorry IF I hurt you” is not just cowardly, it’s getting off lightly. If you’re really sorry, you’ll go out there and correct every misperception, every repeated lie. ~~Ginmar

What Ginmar says is true. There is a distinct difference between many males as they see themselves and how these males actually are. For instance, the joys of bullying may be perceived by those who do it as an expression of power. Those who observe it and experience it perceive it as hollowness, an overfamiliar kind of cowardliness against those without the social or political power to fight them back on equal terms.

The dangerous side of being a bully is that you might be perceived for who and what you actually are. When this happens, the feeling that the victim previously and ignorantly entertained, (that those who are in power are there because they deserve to be), subsides. It soon becomes apparent that there is no moral superiority in those who are holding the power, but quite the opposite. This insight marks the beginning of the end for a class of cowardly bullies.

That is why those who bully play a dangerous game.They run the risk of exposing the very tenuousness nature of the threads of mystification upon which their power lives. And they do this every time they are abusive.

If you do damage, and do not fix the damage that you do, you tend to give the victims a longer time to contemplate your real status than if you fix the mess you have made in the public realm straight away. Any continuation of damaging effects (whether you anticipated them or not) also gives the victims a longer time to think about who you really are.

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6 thoughts on “men playing a dangerous game.

  1. Perfectly true.Can we only hope? that the experience of righting this wrong would begin to change the bullying behavior?To me it seems, by digging deeper, it would. Simplistic? Yes…Maybe?

  2. I think that righting the wrong can go some of the way towards healing — not just for the women abused but for the men who abuse them. I think that paradoxically one of the reasons that men hate women is because they are free to abuse them. The lack of moral limits that they experience as part of their everyday lives makes them full of resentment. Bataille points out that having taboos is what makes us feel human. Not to have any taboos which one is compelled by society to respect is to feel inhuman. Thus many men feel inhuman (due to too much freedom) and take out their resentment against women — those who are least free. In order for this to stop, men need to be called to account for their behaviour, and realise that it has a meaning. For men to realise that there have to be limits to their behaviour is for them to realise their humanity again (which many of them have lost). It is to acknowledge that it is by virtue of having taboos that we are able to experience the sacred in life. Not to have taboos is to be just an animal without a conscious. This half dawning sense of realisation that this is what males have become is why they hate themselves so much.

  3. i think the men who hate women do so also because women are a reminder of those parts of men that they have denied themselves, lost, banished, or had beat out of them. at least in america, i see men as socialized into pieces of wood, or some other inhuman creature not allowed the normal human range of motion and expression and engagement. it is a prison, and i think there is blame for this, on women, as they mirror many of those things that men miss but cannot mourn.in fact, i think there are probably various reasons. and none of them good.

  4. yes–I see what you mean about the men being in a prison, because that is what i see in my father. Actually, his personality changed very much for the worse upon his leaving africa — a place i feel he really belonged. I perceive this as a disaster. But I think that if the males who bully because it gives them a feeling of strength could see themselves from outside of themselves they would see how much they are really abusing themselves — I mean, their own human image. An abusive man does not look human any more to me.

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